Lets Talk About Sex

“Currently, Indonesian schools teach limited aspects of reproductive health across their subjects. What little sex education we have is still restricted to abstinence and STD threats. There is little to no focus on consent, sexuality and other gender-sensitive issues…” - Luthfi T. Dzulfikar, for TheConversation.com

 

Sexual taboo in Indonesia is still very high, thus the conversation surrounding rape culture and sexual misconduct is a no-go. This is harmful, as teenagers/young adults we have the very natural urge to explore and discover, starting with their SEXUAL AWAKENING, but doing so without proper education surrounding safe sex and consent can lead to consequences that can last for a lifetime.

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The Indonesian government is notorious for stating factually inaccurate, ridiculous statements during public conferences, interviews, etc. There is no exception AT ALL when the conversation revolves around public health. So much so that in February 22nd 2020 Sitti Hikmawatty, a commissioner of the National Commission for the Protection of Indonesian Children (KPAI), once claimed in a viral statement that it is possible for women to be impregnated without penetration, as “some sperm is strong enough to use a swimming pool as a medium”. This statement was made during an interview with The Tribun Jakarta and was met with international backlash. Sitti later apologized for her statement, and clarified that the statement was a personal statement and not made on behalf of the KPAI. Still, it is still concerning that this statement was made by a supposedly very well educated Head Commissioner of the KPAI in their first place.

 

Act 1: The Sexual Awakening

First off, what even is a sexual awakening? Tracy More of MelMagazine put it beautifully in her article How Long Should a Sexual Awakening Last: “When we talk about a sexual awakening, two things quickly become apparent: There’s the first kind of sexual awakening, which is generally when, as a child or teen, you realize you’re turned on by someone or something for the first time and it’s a mystifying, exciting or even bewildering experience. This could be your first crush, first boner, first arousal, first kiss — whatever first person or object that jolts you awake with awareness that you’re a sexual being.” To echo her thoughts, a sexual awakening is a period in a life whereas someone realizes that they are, indeed, subjected to sex. It could be the time you were watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and felt funny whenever Zuko was onscreen, or the time when you couldn’t keep your eyes off of Jade from Victorious. Whatever it was, it made you realize that you, yes you, were interested in sex. 

 

Act 2: Exploring (TW: the last part of this act contains light mentions of sexual violence)

It is here where we get to the dangerous part so buckle up. In this day and age, porn and explicit media have taken center stage. It is not uncommon to be watching a movie on Netflix, only for there to be a very passionate sex scene. 

 

Other than the media, many teens opt to experiment with a significant other. This is where we start treading carefully. During this time you may feel a sense of guilt for going through with this. Understandable! We have been conditioned to think that experimentation is abnormal and wrong, however, experimentation is a natural part of life, so if you ever have thoughts or urges as well as actually go through with it, keep this in mind! That being said, we know already that Indonesia has poor sexual education; thus why we need to educate ourselves. Luckily in this day and age there are plenty of resources to help you! 

But, just because it is natural to have urges, does not mean it is abnormal to not feel the need to pursue anything! Never pressure yourself to feel like your peers, whether you feel like you’re not ready or you simply don’t want to, however you feel is valid and no one else’s business but yours!

 

Letting teens navigate alone is risky, which is why the consultation of a parent or a trusted adult is very important. As Jan Faull MEd puts it; “As children develop over the years, they take on new experiences; they need parent's guidance, direction, judgment, and wisdom in each situation. They don't just know automatically how to behave given new circumstances.” Thus, having proper talks with your child is very important! But don't expect them to smile, nod and agree with everything. Faull says to keep your tone, and be prepared for them to be angry, embarrassed, or dismissive. As all parents know, dealing with your child requires patience, so be patient with us! 

 

TW: This part of the act lightly mentions sexual violence, viewer discretion is advised. 

 

To close this act off, consent is a very important topic of sexual education that is very often left out of Indonesian sex-ed. Sex is no longer sex without consent, it is then sexual assault, sexual abuse, and/or r*pe. Consent occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to the desire of another.

 

Consent can come in varying forms, but Planned Parenthood provides a very good acronym to identify what counts as consent: FRIES. Consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. Silence is a no, hesitation is a no, reluctance is a no, unconscious is a no, drunk is a no, and no is a no. An assumed or pressured answer is also NOT consent. 

 

Act 3: Conclusion

Sex is a shared experience, whether participating or not there are always times in life where we encounter it. As something so universal and human, it should make sense to have proper education and laws surrounding it, but due to the stigma that is simply not the case.

 

Many kids in Indonesia are simply told not to have sex, but unfortunately, the teenage mind simply doesn’t work like that. There is no preventing teenagers from experiencing anything, so rather than let them go blind, why not do our best to protect each other? 

 

There are many more factors and subtopics that I decided not to cover, whether due to a lack of understanding or a fear that I may not be able to do justice to the topic. However, this technical age allows us to access the many resources made by amazing creators, who can assist by educating us, so always find time to do your own research!

 

This article was made to help keep the conversation going, recent events have been going viral lately regarding Indonesian attitudes regarding sexual education and sexual safety. It is unfortunate that we still have a long way to go, but nonetheless it is only by continuing to discuss it will we achieve anything.